Many women have a hard time coping after miscarriage. A grieving mother needs time to mourn. It may take up to a year or more; but, with strong support, she will eventually heal from the trauma of miscarriage grief.
Allow Time to Mourn
Even after an early miscarriage, it is normal to experience the typical feelings of grief after death. Many mothers may feel a stigma about grieving in a culture that may or may not verify the life of the child lost. A mother who has suffered a miscarriage, however, has lost more than a hope and a dream. She has lost a child. Allowing herself to go through these emotions without guilt is an important part of the healing process.
Be Honest About Emotions
A woman will experience a wide range of grief emotions after miscarriage, including: shock, denial, sorrow, depression, and anger. These feelings can linger for a year or more. As with any other death, certain dates may bring a resurgence of emotion. For example, the grieving mother may be overwhelmed with sorrow on the anniversary of the baby's intended due date. Holidays such as Christmas can also be a painful reminder of the loss. Part of dealing with miscarriage grief and allowing herself to mourn includes being honest with these emotions. Simply admitting the emotions to herself is the first step in working through them.
Find a Sensitive Friend and Avoid Insensitive People
A grieving mother also needs someone with whom she can share her pain. Seek out a friend who will listen and be understanding about miscarriage grief. This can be a daunting task. Many people do not know how to deal with mothers who have lost a baby to miscarriage. Some people will try to explain the loss with a cliche such as, "It is nature's way." Others may try to offer hope with expressions such as, "Well, just try again." Consider that these people probably mean well, but if you feel that they do not understand miscarriage grief, then move on and find a sensitive friend who will offer support, love and affirmation. Look for someone who has suffered a similar loss, a counselor who has dealt with miscarriage grief, or a miscarriage grief support group.
Avoid Difficult Situations
It is almost inevitable that a friend will announce her pregnancy soon after the loss, creating a painful and awkward gap in the relationship. It is okay to avoid seeing the friend for a while (and to skip out on the baby shower). Offer an honest explanation, such as: "It's too painful to be reminded of the loss right now." A good friend will be understanding and ready to pick up the relationship when the grieving mother is ready.
Turn Toward God, Rather Than Turning Away
It can be particularly hard to understand how God is good in the context of suffering. Being honest with God about her emotions can also help the grieving mother heal. Expressing her feelings, pains and doubts allows her to work through them with God, rather than supress and carry them indefinitely.
When the grieving mother allows herself to mourn, she focuses on the grief emotions and works through them. (If she, however, suppresses these emotions, she may delay her own healing.) With strong, loving support, she will eventually be able to cope with her miscarriage grief.
Kristen O'Hara - I graduated from college with a B.S. in elementary education. After teaching third grade for two years, I chose to stay home with my ...
